


Rules of the Avengers Tower

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Avengers Family, Avengers Mansion, Avengers Tower, BAMFs, Domestic, Domestic Avengers, F/M, Fluff, Implied Relationships, M/M, Pets, Prank Wars, basically just fun to write, bucky barnes is an avenger, clint is a dork, food is made, i do not apologize, more characters and shit will appear, spiderman will probably end up in this at some point, tags to be expanded, they are there if you squint, yes there is a lot of bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-25
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have rules for a reason. Or, many reasons. (This was partially inspired by House Rule of the Avengers Tower #53 by Thette. I mainly just stole the title.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was partially inspired by House Rule of the Avengers Tower #53 by Thette. I pretty much just took that title and ran with it, but I'm happy to give credit for that- the weirdest things can inspire me sometimes. This is just humor, crackfic, not at all to be taken seriously. I'm probably going to expand this, and probably going to bend canon a lot.

**1\. No Pets Allowed.**

"I thought we weren't supposed to have pets?" asked Steve, very puzzled. It was only six in the morning and he hadn't yet had his first cup of coffee, so he figured he might be hallucinating the fluffy kitten that was now pawing at his leg. Tony, the only other person in the kitchen at this hour, merely shrugged. "Figured I was imagining it. I haven't slept in 24 hours."

"What the fuck?" Natasha, not usually a morning person, walked into the kitchen and did a double take. "Who's cat is this?" She directed a look at Tony that was a cross between amused and annoyed, and Tony shrugged again and wandered out of the room, presumably with the intent to question the other residents of the tower only to end up falling asleep on a couch somewhere. Natasha turned around and muttered, "Every time I wake up early, this happens, I swear I'm the only sane one..."

Steve just stared at the cat- which was adorable, all brown fluff and pink tongue- until he heard footsteps. What was with the sudden spike in morning activity today? he wondered. The footsteps belonged to Thor, who shouted, "BUBBLES! I have been searching all over this tower for you!"

Steve was asleep. That had to be it, right? There was no way Thor had a kitty named _Bubbles._

Thor's shout had woken Bucky, who came padding into the kitchen, wearing nothing but boxer whorts and a messy ponytail.

"Whatthefuck, Steve, I thought we weren't supposed to have pets?"

Steve just shook his head.

\-----

There was a reason the Avengers weren't allowed to have pets. Within a week of finding out that Thor had broken the rule, the tower had been transformed into a veritable zoo. Natasha bought a snake called Jefferry, which she let curl around her neck like some jungle dweller, and it _scared the fuck_ out of the other residents. Bucky and Steve had adopted a puppy and named it Buddy, and they took it for walks every single day, because they're disgustingly domestic superheroes like that. Clint had bought a parrot, of all things, and the only thing it seemed to mimic were the profanities that Natasha spouted whenever it flew near her. ( _Clint I swear if you don't get that motherfucking shitbird away from me I will personally mince you into tiny pieces of meat ohmygodClint it just fucking shit on the floor, get it the fuck away!_ ) Poor Pepper had to buy more lint rollers to get a fraction of the hair off of her suit every day; she couldn't even sit on the couch anymore. Fury was pretty pissed when he had learned that half of the Avengers were practically zookeepers now, but you can't exactly take a puppy away from a superhero, now can you?

　

**2\. No insulting Bucky's cooking abilities, because he will make ALL THE FOOD**

"Psh, yeah right. I don't believe it for a second." That had been Clint's reaction when Steve had said that Bucky is by far a better cook than Steve himself. Nobody believed it at first- you wouldn't exactly expect Bucky to be the kind of guy into baking. When Steve had informed Bucky that Clint was "a nonbeliever", Bucky had made dinner. 'Dinner' was vegetable soup, shrimp (and chicken) fettucine alfredo, filet mignon, yeast rolls from scratch, and three batches of double chocolate cupcakes. Clint had never known exactly how much he could eat without vomiting- until now.

 

**3\. No prank wars (without first notifying Natasha)**

This was _fucking over._ Clint was going to kill Tony if it was the last thing he ever did. Kill, of course, meaning 'shoot him with the paintball gun in retaliation for the water balloons earlier.' It was really just like Tony to rig up an automatic water balloon launcher right outside Clint's door, and he should have seen it coming, but still- REVENGE was to be had! Clint rolled around a corner, sensing movement and shot Tony right in the face. That would teach him.

 

Except..... Fuck. It wasn't Tony.

 

"Clint," Nat breathed, perfectly calmly, which terrified him. "I loved this shirt, and you _will pay dearly_ for this."

(Clint woke up to the old bucket-of-paint above the door trick, then the plastic wrap on the toilet seat trick, and then electric blue hairdye in his shampoo bottle.)


	2. Chapter 2

**4\. No translating the conversation when Natasha and Bucky argue in Russian.**

Natasha and Bucky frequently shouted at each other angrily in Russian. They didn't do it very much around their boyfriends (Clint and Steve, respectively) because they knew a bit of the language and snickered (Clint) and blushed (Steve) whenever the ex-assassins argued. They would never tell what the conversation was about, however, and one day Tony just couldn't take it anymore.

He used the translation software on his StarkTech Tablet (it was voice activated and very high-tech, of course) and when he got the results he couldn't stop laughing, rushing to show the other Avengers.

Apparently, the heated arguments had been about whether Clint or Steve had a better ass (among _other_ things.) The rest of the team were heartily amused, save for Bruce, who just shook his head, grinning, and called Tony an "immature child with a nose up everyone's business." (Luckily for Tony, Nat and Bucky had been expecting him to translate them for awhile.)

　

 **5\. No making fun of** **Natasha when she does her Zumba workouts, ever, ~~she has threatened to posion everyone for this!~~**

No matter how ridiculous she may look, she is the Black Widow ~~and also sexier than you~~.

**6\. You shouldn't investigate the noises coming from Steve's apartment. Trust us.**

It was three o'clock in the morning, and Bruce was pulling an all-nighter, working on a new project with Tony. Walking by Steve and Bucky's apartment on the way to the communal kitchen, he heard screams and other noises of the tortured coming from the apartment. He was worried, figuring that maybe Bucky had had some sort of setback and become the Winter Soldier again, or that a supervillian had somehow broken in, or that Steve had eaten too much Indian food, or something. He didn't want to invade their privacy, but he figured something was probably going horribly wrong, and he should just make sure they were okay. Then he would leave.

So, Bruce knocked. When nobody answered, he called out, but the noises continued. He tried the knob and found it unlocked. He creaked the door open and peaked his head inside- to be met with a sight that he _really wished_ he hadn't seen.

Bucky and Steve were in a, ahem, very compromising position.

They didn't look very embarrassed about being caught in the act, _literally_ , but Bruce, well...

He slammed the door with a strangled "OhgodI'msosorry!" and leaned against the wall, trying to will the horrible image from his mind. Bucky casually shouted "Sorry ya had to see that!" and the noises resumed, only a tiny bit quieter now. Bruce shuddered and continued walking down the hall.

**Author's Note:**

> More to come. I don't know how many 'rules' this will end up being, but I'm keeping the status as complete for reasons.


End file.
